Monday, February 20, 2012

Experiments in dating

That’s what it is really, isn’t it?  We are all just going over and over the scientific method repeating date after date relationship after relationship.  It’s enough to make a girl go mad, where does it end?

The Scientific Method of Dating

1. Pose your question:
Girl meets boy, boy is cute, girl welcomes conversation.  Ask yourself, Do we spark?

2. Do background research: 
First couple dates, maybe even exchanging numbers and social network connections.  Look at pictures try to figure out how they are with friends, family.  Whether there are common interests.   Hopefully they are fun, outgoing have a sense for the outdoors and have a couple pictures of their Momma’s so you know they are genuine ;)  Talk on the phone; get a feel for the text conversation and how they communicate.

3. Construct your Hypothesis: 
Can you see yourself with this person? (it’s a good idea to know what you want at this point, hard to hold someone up to expectations if you don’t know what you want – this has the makings of some serious mixed messages) 
·         Hypothesis 1: I like this guy, I can keep it casual and see where it goes.
·         Hypothesis 2: I like this guy feelings are going to form if we go further and thus requiring an additional experiment.
·         Hypothesis 3: We are too different, maybe we should be friends, or even less delete/cease all contact including but not limited to dates, phone calls, text, and social media.

4. Conduct your experiment:
The easy part about my three individual hypothesis’ is that they can all be tested simultaneously.  Now this is going to require a very systematic and clear approach –both skills that I display so exceptionally well when dating (not).

Go on dates, listen, try new things, try things he likes, introduce him to things you like, share friends, share feelings.

5. Assess/Analyze Data:
For my female readers no instruction needed consult the relationship experts aka your girlfriends, when you don’t get the answer you want from one of them, ask the next then do a little self-check.  The guys might have to dig a little deeper spend some time with a sappy song or get some fresh air.  Or maybe the answer will come to you while sharing a pizza and beer with the guys or hitting the gym.  Take some time, figure out if she/he fits into your plan. (Again really helps if you know what you want at this point)

Good with friends (check)
Opens doors and takes you on dates (check)
Listens (check)
Talks and starts conversation (check)
Kisses you goodnight (check)

Potential variables to consider: hormones, distance, age, family, friends, work, goals, past relationships, expectations.

There is no appropriate time table for the experiment stage.  It varies you just have to follow your gut to know when to move on to step six.

6. Communicate your results:

Ahh the dreaded conversation.  A smart guy recently told me that we all communicate in relationships differently; actually he recommended a good book about it.  Told me he thinks knowing and understanding that everyone has a different language when it comes to a relationship is like cheating because you should always know how to meet the other person’s needs or at least make a go at it.  But then there are those damn variables that come into play. 

For the sake of instruction lets say you effectively communicate your results.  Tell the person how you are feeling and you confirm Hypothesis 1 and 2 that things should proceed.  Guess what you get to start the process all over.  Experiment after experiment, we are nothing more than mad scientists, testing relationship variables and hypothesis.

An example of one of my experiments gone terribly wrong

Pose your question: Boy asks Kaleena on a date.

Do background research:  Boy is my age, seems to have a good job, oddly still single but my questions and preliminary Google search doesn’t turn up anything too serious.

Construct your Hypothesis: It’s a date, go out and have fun.

Conduct your experiment: The date happens, greets me with a hug we sit down have some wine, he precedes to tell me that he is the owner of a swim suit line that is going to be dressing the girls for the miss America pageant.  (red flag #1)  We share a couple laughs, talk about the upcoming Holidays, he tells me that his family doesn’t use wrapping paper it’s just easier to use trash bags (red flag #2) “oh how interesting” I say… ‘who do you spend Christmas with?” He says, “Oh just my immediate family,” I inquire based on a previous statement “Oh your brother’s girlfriend of 14 years doesn’t come?” He says “no” (red flags #3 & 4… Girlfriend 14 years, no family ties). Date ends with me paying the bill and him asking me to come see his apartment.

Assess: This is extremely odd.  Very uncomfortable and he’s just a weirdo.  Call my girlfriend she says. “Get out of there! Don’t even explain to him just go.” 

Communicate your results:  Here’s where it gets interesting and a whole new set of variables comes in to play.  I don’t ever talk to that boy again.  Instead I except that I’ve had too many glasses of wine and call the boy that I’m really crushing on and excited to meet for the first time in the next couple weeks.  So maybe I communicated with the wrong person but at least I communicated to someone!  

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